All the best, Ek se badhkar ek, Ikke pe ikka …

Posted on March 24, 2010. Filed under: Entertainment | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

This post is for everyone born around 1983 in India and who hit teenage in the 90s. Remember eagerly awaiting Fridays because that was the day Shriman Shrimati and All the best would run on DD Metro? Remember telling your mom that you will start studying after watching the number 1 song? Remember memorizing the song orders and having an argument at school the next day over which song was at which number? Remember playing Antakshari with your friends and trying to recollect the songs from last week’s countdown? Remember your parents turning off cable tv during your final exams, but being consoled by the presence of at least a few countdown shows on DD?

I loved the countdown shows back then, because they still were a novel concept. I also loved the comedy which was interspersed between the songs. Be it the sitcomesque All the best (Shafi Inamdar, later Satish Shah, Laxmikant Berde and Swaroop Sampat) and Ek se badhkar ek (Kartika Rane, Mukul Deo et al) or be it the quippy wisecracky gossip of Sajid Khan on Ikke pe ikka (Zee Cinema).

So, once last year, my then room mate was humming a song while doing the dishes. I continued singing the same song. After a while, both of us looked at each other aghast. The same thought ran through our minds, “How the hell does she remember this song?” Then we burst out laughing, because we were glad that we had found someone else like us. So, I compiled a list of many songs, which make me feel nostalgic (sigh, I have reached the age when nostalgia means something), some of which are now almost forgotten. Here goes, enjoy.

10. Loveria hua …
Memorable for the freshness of SRK and Juhi. Juhi is now a has-been and SRK is now fresh from My Name is Khan. Watch it here.

9. Kya Ada kya jalwe tere paaro …
Bet no one remembers the heroine (I do, Anjali Jathar) and bet no one remembers the name of the movie (do not know myself), but everyone remembers this song, for its catchy tune. This one ruled the roost at #1 for many weeks. Also check out ‘Sheher ki ladki‘ and ‘Jhanjhariya‘.

8. Yunhi kat jaayega safar saath chalne se ..
This would be the perfect song to create a controversy during Antakshari and make your opponent look bad. So, my opponents would get the letter ‘Ha’ and would immediately start off, “Hum hain raahi pyaar ke, chalna apna kaam …”. And I would say, “Hold your horses, my friend, this song starts with ‘Ya’, ‘Yunhi kat jaayega ..'”. Watch it here.

7. Aankh maare woh ladka …
Bonus points if you remember this movie – ‘Tere Mere Sapne’. This movie (and the Miss World contest) made the Bachchan parivar bankrupt and they were the first people in the history of mankind (exaggeration alert), to get bailout money. Anyways, the original ‘stars’ of this movie – Chandrachud Singh and Priya Gill have disappeared from the face of the earth. Whereas, Arshad Warsi and Simran who are in this song were written off, but have gone on to bigger and better things (Simran is a star down South).

6. Oonchi hai building, lift teri band hai …
David Dhawan ruled the 90s. And this song personifies his genre. Crass but funny. I am sure no one has forgotten Anu Malik’s stupid playback and Salman’s inanities, and did I mention the dumb lyrics? At least, it is more tasteful than ‘Sarkaileyo Khatiya‘ and ‘Saiyyan ke saath madhaiyya mein’ (Small mercies). I included this song because it has so many of 90s cult icons – Salman, Karishma, David and Anu Malik.

5. Husn Hai Suhana …
In this one, David joins hands with his muse and protege, Govinda, another 90s icon. I love this rambunctious song – catchy tune, fast beats and awesome dance moves.

4. Dhol bajne laga …
Farah Khan and bucolic somehow do not go together. But in this song, they did and quite nicely so. Watch it here.

3. Gore gore mukhde pe kaala kaala chashma …
The Akshay Kumar phenomenon had not yet happened then. Even then, he had the awesome athletic dance moves and the comic timing.

2. Ankhiyaan milaun …
No 90s songs countdown is complete without her, in fact you (I) can create a countdown just of her songs.
Thankfully, we do not notice the fugly Sanjay Kapoor in this song, because of her. I have chosen to pass her HAHK songs (because no one has forgotten them), and chosen to include this one. I remember being scared for her before watching Dil to pagal hai. I thought she would be terribly overshadowed by the fitter Karishma Kapoor, especially in Dance of Envy, but was I wrong! Karishma was pwned by her grace, beauty and poise. Priyankas and Katrinas, you can hold no candle to her – Madhuri Dixit.

1. Na jaane mere dil ko kya …
He was my first love. I wept and laughed during this movie. I know any girl who reads this did too. This movie is the reason, why we girls expect too much (romance wise) from our boyfriends and husbands. No other SRK movie is as good (ok, maybe Chak de India) is as good. All you girls, remember your 13 year old self and enjoy this one.

I know that I have left a lot of your favorite songs. Do mention them in your comments. Also, while researching for this post I came across many such forgotten erstwhile super hit songs and am going to create a youtube playlist soon containing all of them, so watch this space. Mentioning the contributors of this post – Ashwin Aji, Sucharita Gaat and Tanushree Ganguly.

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A Tale of 1.2 Reviews

Posted on March 8, 2010. Filed under: Entertainment, Funny | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I had promised myself, that I will never do movie reviews in this space. But after many months of  laziness induced by my wedding and consequent binge-eating, the tide of creative juices is at an ebb. So the easiest thing to do was to write the reviews of 2 movies, which I saw in the recent times. I will not be writing anything that has not been written before but at least I can be mercenary and include buzz words, that will show up in the search engines that crawl Blogosphere.

Here they are 1 big and 2 mini reviews:

1. My name is U-Know-What.

1 word review: P-A-K-A-U

At the end of this viewing, I felt like I had contracted Asperger’s syndrome. I had all the symptoms:

  • Could not meet anyone’s gaze (because I am a self confessed SRK fan, and this movie was so pakau, that I was ashamed SRK was a part of it)
  • Irritation because of loud, shrill sounds – (“You suck, you suck, you suck … Liar!Liar!Liar!” and Kajol’s outburst “Jaoooo Khaaan Jaoooo” and of course, “My name is hhh(rr)hkkkhhaaann (from epiglottis) and I am not a terrorist”).
  • A splitting headache because of the ennui and the torpor that had set in (don’t know if the last one is a symptom).

There were many dumb things in this movie. But the most face-palmest according to me are:

  • 2 newbie reporters who are Google Earth personified“Arre Wilhelmina, Woh toh Georgia mein hai na?” According to Mr. hhhh(rr)khan (from epiglottis) himself, Wilhelmina is a town of 250 people and 800 cattle. And these reporters did not even require a second to quote the state, given a town. I hope I get a chance to ask them, “Can you tell me in which state the town Salem is?” (This is a trick question. Almost every other state in US has a town named Salem. However full marks and kudos to them if they answer Tamil Nadu.)
  • Racist overtones – This movie tries its best to convince us that all Muslims are not terrorists. But ignores the fact that all blacks do not live in shanties and do not have funny hair and are not fat. But since Mr. hhh(rr)khan (from epiglottis), suffers from Asperger’s syndrome, he can get away with racist comments like “Mama Jenny moti hain aur unke baal thode ajeeb hain.” Thank god he stopped at that and did not continue to say “Mama Jenny, thodi kaali bhains ki tarah dikhti hain.” If only Bhajji had suffered from Aspergers, then he would not have had to change his story from “Monkey” to “Maa ki”.
  • The dialog between the newbie reporters and the Sikh news anchor

Guy newbie reporter (aka pretty boy struggler from Luck by Chance): Sir, you removed your pagdi after 9/11? You are a bad Sikh!
Sikh Reporter (aka Parveen Dabaas): Shameful silence.
Guy newbie reporter : (thinking to himself)  Dumb$@%* KjO, by mouthing such silly dialogues, I will remain a struggling actor all my life, stuck with this stupid female whose claim to fame was being Genelia’s agony aunt. Dude, atleast you could have made Dabaas lose the hariyali on his chin. Daadhi without pagdi – still seems like a jehadi to me).

1.1 Ishqiya

1 word review: Timepass, paisa vasool.

There were many good things about this movie.  But the best thing I liked about it was the fresh perspective.  It is a black comic caper set in the hinterlands of India. Most movies that are set in the cow-belt of India are rather grim and depressing. The few examples that come to my mind are Prakash Jha’s umpteen movies, Shool, Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi, Bandit Queen. But in Ishqiya, the issues of casteism, misogynism, kidnappings, violence are laughed at, but in a self-deprecatory way, as illustrated in “Apne yahan to shia-sunni the, idhar to yadav aur pandey ne apni fauj bana ke rakhi hai!”

All in all, an awesomely timepass movie, though I wish things had not become so crazy in the denouement.

1.2 All the Best.

1 word review – Inane but hilarious.

I had zero expectations from this movie and that is why I enjoyed it. This movie promises to be inane and is exactly that. Of course, the biggest laugh provider was RGV(Sanjay Mishra) .  You pity him, because he is beaten up by Sanjay Dutt all the time, but manages to be calm with his “Just chill” mantra. In the end, he pretends to muster up courage by saying – “I care a Bhakra Nangal Dam(n) be!”, but I am sad to say, is again beaten up.

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‘State’ of ‘No-bhook Hartal’

Posted on December 12, 2009. Filed under: Entertainment, Funny, Politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

My friend Mythili (name changed for safeguarding Sonali’s identity) has been married for about 5 years now with Rajesh (name unchanged, but you don’t know who he is anyways). As all other couples, many ups and downs (more downs than ups) do happen during the course of their marriage.  And whenever Myth is stuck in the downs, she calls one of her friends, relates to them the woes of marital life and thus heals herself. Don’t know what Rajesh does for his healing process. Personally, I think Rajesh is more in need of the heal, because he often gets the heel from Myth (figuratively, don’t think that she is a husband beater now). Myth can be quite a ‘formidable’ opponent.

So today it was my turn to play agony aunt to Myth.

Myth: I am sick of marriage, da!

Me: <uncomfortable yet knowing fake laugh> Hehe .. What happened now?

Myth: This Rajesh, da! He is bugging the heck outta me.

Me: What did he do now?

Myth: See no, he is demanding a state now.

Me:  <slightly confused> State?

Myth: Yea man, S-T-A-T-E.

Me: S-T-A-T-E???

Myth: Aeiyyoo … like New Jersey, California .. like that, ma!

Me: What do you mean, demanding a state? How can you demand a state?

Myth: See, no .. that’s what I told him. What he thinks of himself making such demands?

Me: Huh??

Myth: Arre, since yesterday he has started ‘No-bhook hartal’, unless I recognize the living room as his state.

Me: <Totally confused now> Mujhe samjha nahin … what is it you are talking about? Why is Rajesh doing hartal dude?

Myth: Aeiyyo .. don’t ask ma! It’s a long story ..

Me: <Another one of those long stories> Sigh!

Myth: Arre last month we had gone to India no, I had a fight with Rajesh’s mom. <Starts relating conversation with her MIL>

MIL: What ma, how come Rajesh has got beer belly? Do you both go to what they call pubs? See what you were doing before marriage, is not my business. We are not what you call ‘forward’ a! All this you should not do after marriage and all.  You should behave in a way befitting a daughter in law of this family. We are not as liberated as your parents ..hmmph.

Myth: <Indignant> Amma, we have to drink sometime no with our colleagues and all. But Rajesh hasn’t got his gut because of that. It’s because he is a lazy bum and does not take an effort to be fit.

MIL: What are you saying ma? He used to daily go and play badminton with his friends. In fact, I was always telling him to gain weight. You should not put like that oil in your food, ma. Your parents place also too much oily food. That’s why he has put on so much. In fact, you can also start losing weight…

Myth: <The rest of the conversation was lost on Myth, as her MIL had heaped on her the ultimate insult. Myth follows all latest diets to remain fit ..>

Me: Then?

Myth: Then what, I put Rajesh on strict diet. I make him eat only oats, cereals, raw vegetables, spinach juice <rattles off list of healthy sounding foods> … in fact, Milk also we buy Silk now. Silk is soy milk ma. I stopped allowing him to eat curd rice and ghee also. White starch and saturated fats. Yuck!

Me: Well, it’s a bit much, to be frank. But what is this state business about?

Myth; He is accusing me of discriminating against him because of his gut. He is also accusing me of denying him the right to watch his favorite TV show.

Me:  Why dude?

Myth: Arre, that day na, Project Runway finale was there. Rajesh wanted to watch that dumb disgusting comedy about the dancing piece of shit, that South Park. So I forcibly sent Rajesh out for a jog. Rajesh was following his fitness regime properly until then. But a jog in -5 deg C was the last straw for him and when he came back and saw me watching Lifetime, something snapped inside him.

Me: <you go Rajesh!>

Myth: He told me that, the living room is his state and I cannot enter it unless he lets me <starts relating the fight>.

Myth: Get lost man, this is my house. I will do as I please.

Rajesh: OK FINE! If you don’t listen to me no, then …

Myth: What will you do? Give me a shove with that gut of yours?

Rajesh: No, I will go on “NO-BHOOK HARTAL

Myth: Whatever are you saying?

Rajesh: It means, 24 * 7, I am going to eat until you say yes to my demands. Everything bad and dangerous and gross. I don’t want anything that even contains 1% percent fiber. I want only 100% sat fats  and trans fats, based on a 20000 calorie daily diet. Now you just see …

Me: Oh gosh!

Myth: It is the 2nd day of his hartal, and he hasn’t stopped eating.

Me: How is it possible? Technically, kitchen is not in his state no?

Myth: Yes, ma. But he is ordering pizza and soda from living room. He ate all the veggie pizzas that Pizza Hut had. He has given me ultimatum now. If in 1 hour I do not agree, then he is going to order non veg beef pizza and eat that <breaks into uncontrollable sobs> … What am I to do? He will soon die of type 2 diabetes, maa <sobbing again..>

Me: Well, your diet and exercise regime was an exaggeration, Myth. He is not competing in ‘The Biggest Loser’. You are denying him several rights such as the right to a decent meal and right to enjoy TV after a hard day’s work…

Myth: <sniffing, pondering the weight of my words..>

Me: And you know what, it is his mom’s fault. She is so possessive about Rajesh that  she couldn’t see him enjoying his married life. A bit of a gut, never did any one harm. In fact, it is the sign of marital bliss.

Myth: <Indignant and elated that her mom in law is at fault> Yes, ma! You are abzolutely right.

Me: Don’t let your MIL destroy your marriage, ma. Go take care of your husband and concede to his demands. Let him have that occasional dessert and that occasional Family Guy viewing. What’s in it for you?

Myth: Yes, dear. You are right. I will go and talk to Rajesh ma. Thanks a lot dear.

Well, that was that! Myth and Rajesh are back on their up, having tided over another one of their downs. Rajesh has given up his demand to create another state. Moral of the story, It is better to blame it on external forces, rather than fight internally.

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Bollywood, Kollywood, Sandalwood the GraphJam way!

Posted on December 4, 2009. Filed under: Entertainment | Tags: , , , , , |

I love Graphjam, but sometimes I do not understand the references about American pop culture, obviously since I am not an American. So, I thought to myself,  that someone should create these memes to explain apna Bollywood songs. That someone is me and I also threw in a couple of songs from South India, to honor my sasural wale.  Also, some of these memes do give different connotations to our songs. For example, Naam hai tera tera, can also be interpreted as naam hai 13 13.  Click on the memes, if you want to have a better look.

For the uninitiated, the Tamil song is called “Nee Marilyn Monroe ..” and the Kannada song is “Jinke mari na …”

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