Massage and M&Ms – A Crush Story

Posted on June 15, 2010. Filed under: Funny, Short Story |

Note from author: This piece got an honorable mention in blogadda’s competition. Thanks for the encouragement!

My name is Rajesh. Today, I am going to tell you the story of my first crush. You may ask, why? To know the reason and the story, read on.

Chapter 1: A Massage spoils it all!

So, I was all of 16. I had just passed 10^th standard board exams and joined junior college. It was the first day of college. My two friends, Aneesh and Bunty and I, were hanging out in the college canteen. And then it happened. The famed thunderbolt! (what Michael Corleone had experienced when he had met Appolonia in the Godfather). I saw her. Kohl lined eyes, straight hair ..

Her name was Chayanika Malhotra, I learnt later. I could not stop thinking about her. Thinking is one thing and obsessing is another, and I guess I was doing the latter. My friends could not help but pity me. At first, they tried to make me see sense, that a girl like her can never be with a guy like me. When that did not work, Aneesh offered to take a note from me to her. Off he went striding towards her. I could not bear to look, so I disappeared from the scene. Aneesh and Bunty reappeared in just a bit. Aneesh was almost on the verge of crying. So I asked,

Me: What happened?”

Aneesh was spared the trouble of talking by Bunty relating the entire story.

Bunty: Actually, he went to Chayanika and said, ‘I have a MASSAGE for you!’

I would have burst out laughing had it not been my own Victorian tragedy being written.

Bunty: (continued) … So one of the guys in her group said that, he will treat Aneesh, uhm, to a nice massage and roughed him up a bit (ended sheepishly).

My note asking her out for a coffee had been left in Aneesh’s pocket. I forgave Aneesh, after all it was just a mispronunciation (that had ruined my life).

Chapter 2: Eminem or M&M?

Soon I got another chance with Chayanika. We met at a bus stop. I mustered up all the courage I could and started making small talk with her. She was waiting for some friend to arrive. I feigned that I was waiting for a friend too. Even now I cannot believe how smooth I was then. I actually asked her whether she would like to have a coffee with me, while we both waited for our respective friends. Unfortunately, her friend Reshmi arrived just then. But they graciously agreed to accompany me to the coffee shop, while I waited. Overall, I was satisfied with the way things had gone that evening. The 3 of us sat down with our coffees. Angrez rap music was being played. Reshmi chose that moment to say,

Reshmi: Oh I just love Eminem.

I had been hoping to impress Chayanika with the depth of my knowledge and the breadth of my interests, but I had no clue who or what Eminem was. I had a sudden brainwave. Just a couple of weeks back, my uncle had brought some chocolates from USA. And one of them I remembered was named M&Ms. It was an American version of our Indian Gems. A wise man had once said – ‘Look before you leap’, but I chose to ignore him and burst through.

Me: Oh yes, I love the M&Ms. Just recently my uncle got them in some peanut butter flavor, which is famous in the USA. Their shape is also different.

Both the girls looked curiously at me and then I realized with great horror, that I had committed a grave blunder. Reshmi realized my mistake and smirked condescendingly,

Reshmi: Oh I meant the rapper Eminem and not the candy.

Soon after they excused themselves and I heard them snickering about ‘Eminems and M&Ms’.

Chapter 3: The hero saves the day!

Thereafter, I was in the doldrums of depression. Even after multiple repeated failures, I had not got closure. So I was in class, in my usual place behind Chayanika, observing the play of light on her hair. It was a sultry sort of a day and the stuffiness of the class as well as of our professor’s monotone, soon drove me into a state of torpor. Soon, I was dozing. Suddenly, I heard a commotion. I opened my eyes and I found the entire class’s eyes in my direction. I was aghast. I thought that I had been caught red handed napping in class. Not knowing what else to do, I stood up. The professor angrily remarked,

Professor: So it was you! Please walk out of the class. If you want to attend my class again, please get your father to meet me.

I walked out of the class dejectedly and waited in the canteen corner for my friends to show up. I heard a timid voice say, “Hi.” I looked up. It was Chayanika. Before I could say anything, she started speaking amidst heart breaking sobs,

Chayanika: (crying)You should not have done it for me. I would have stood up!

I was thoroughly confused then, but soon the story became clearer. Chayanika had been chewing gum and she did not know how, but she had made a startlingly screechy sound. The professor had taken offence at it and had been asking the culprit to own up. And at that opportune moment I had stood up.

I had become a chivalrous hero in the eyes of Chayanika. Lady Luck and Lady Chayanika had both smiled at me that day. I was literally (ok, figuratively) on top of the world. The rest, as they say, is history. (Before that an angry sire almost made me a part of ancient history.

The final reveal – Why did I tell you this story? It is because the writer of this blog is rather mercenary and decided that my story would be a good entry for the blogadda contest sponsored by Pringoo.