The Battleship Battle

Posted on May 20, 2010. Filed under: Funny | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

When we were young and carefree (sitting in the college canteen having bunked lectures), often we would wonder ‘who amongst us will get married first?’ I would always get picked last. Heck, I myself thought I would be the last. And then a few months ago, I had a Sheldon Cooperesque moment – “Bazinga! I am getting married first!”

I married #win on January 21, 2010. No, I did not marry a hashtag, I wanted a cool alias for my husband and this one makes me a perpetual winner (Tilo weds #win). Since then, my single friends caught in the conundrum of horoscopes and arranged marriages have asked me the question – How do you know he is the one? Well, to illustrate how, let me start by relating to you the tale ‘The Battleship Battle‘.

Once upon a time #win was at work and I was at home and I was bored out of my wits. Therefore, I reverted to my favorite pass-time (timepass) bugging #win. I called him.

#win: Hello?

Tilo: Hey, whats up are you busy?

#win: Yea I am a bit. Meeting with my advisor (Yes #win left his high paying corporate job for drudgery at grad school. All his friends thus think he is #nutlose).

Tilo: Well, I really had a very important thing to tell you.

#win: Ok tell fast fast.

Tilo: Wait a minute forgot! (Had not :D)

#win: QUICKLY (Almost at the end of his tether now)

Tilo: I had 2 important things to tell you – 1 was that your friend #ok was pinging you “Maga, did you see the race last night?” …

#win: And the other important thing .. FAST!

Tilo: And the second thing was (almost choking for trying to stifle laughter) can you get us some paper from office for us to play Name, Place, Animal, Thing or Battleship?

#win: (Hangs up)

At this point I am hysterical with laughter. Tears are streaming through my eyes. After a while, when I had calmed myself, I switched on my laptop. I had a feeling that this time I may have gone a bit too far. So I pinged #win.

Tilo: R u anger? (We dont use grammatically correct English with each other for some bizarre reason)

#win: (Unresponsive for 5 minutes)

Tilo: R u anger?

#win: Yes.

Tilo: How much lil bit or lots?

#win: Why don’t you understand that there is a time for playing the fool and that was not it. (Uh oh! Correct grammar = BAD mood!)

Tilo: (Bristling a bit, no one calls me a fool) Oh come on lighten up, it was not that bad.

#win: It pretty much was. My advisor just walked away, after all I had gotten a hold of him after a month almost. Now I have to wait  another month before I can talk to him.

Tilo: Bla bla bla … talk to my hand

And this continued. #Win got mad and I got mad. Then both of us got madder. And after half an hour the fight ended thus:

Tilo: Ok fine, henceforth I am not going to talk to you.

#win: Great, that is good to know.

In the evening, #win was about to come home. I was dealing with the situation in a very mature way by banging pots and pans in the kitchen. I heard the door open. I tried to feign more disinterest, lack of enthusiasm and anger by banging pots to the accompaniment of ‘Tum to thehre pardesi …‘. I heard #win‘s movements in the other room. I did not bother for a long time and nor did he. I realized that we had come to an impass. I finally went to the other room, in the mood for another battle. And there was #win sitting calmly with pen and paper in hand. Another set of pen and paper was beside him. He already had drawn a grid on his paper. He looked up as I came in and said – “Name place is too childish. Let us play Battleship.”

So girls, look for a man who shares your sense of humor (more or less) and even if he is quick to anger, he should be quick to forgive. That sure is a #winning combination.

If you liked this post, do share it with others for them to have a good laugh. If you want updates from this blog immediately, use one of these handy buttons on the right.

And if you have any stories of similar battles with your spouse or your sibling or anyone really, please let me know. Still looking for guest bloggers 🙂


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28 Responses to “The Battleship Battle”

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Love the stuff you write..

thanks akshay! Are u staying awake as per US time 😀

is this like a real incident?

Well part of it is fact and part is fiction 😀

Good one.

thank you mallika! see u soon!

U shld also thank terrace View Apts in ur blog. If it were not for them and the whole lease fiasco , u wouldn’t be able to stay at Ashwin’s place for the whole summer.
Btw nice blog..will definitely remember ur tips.

Thanks Sneha! Yea I know! Thank you to the khadus people of Terrace View 😛 .. I have more tips also in case you need!

You are awesome…i dont know if this happened in real but i can so see this and it makes me laugh!..good one!

Thanku! What do u think about the moral of the story? 😀

Well moral is we ignore all the lil nice things in the search of big nicer things(that may/may not exist)…the moral is what i love the most in this write up.

awsum tilo…..i hv becum ur fan now…..n i can so damn c myself in such situations….gr8 job

Thanks Mitali! Bade bade deshon mein aisi chhoti chhoti baatein hoti rehti hain, if you find yourself in such a situation.

I am always ready for both ‘Name, Place, Animals’ and Battleship, now if only I find one who’ll call me up to bring papers for it 😉

sabra ka phal meetha hota hai 😀

I dont like #ok as a call sign. Give me a cooler name. 🙂

Well written. I hope my wife doesnt see this and start getting doubts about our own marriage :-S

Though you claim that you do not like the epithet, you have already used it here 😀
I am sure #win has doubts too, just that he does not put them on paper like I do

Nice one Tils. Interesting read!!!

thanks goks! u should write something about u and maths, would love to read.

This incident only confirms your choice(which you already made), but does not explain why you knew he was the one in the first place and decided to tie the knot!

It all boils down to your gut feeling and thankfully in my case it was right 😀

I am now a perpetual winner too.


Hope your wife does not call you Pound – win 😀

very interesting write up… (some I read have been quite entertaining, I must admit) your obsession with #tags is admirable. I have had that in the past but this is going beyond that and most others I have seen… Good one.

I really seem obsessed, don’t I? Hopefully, I will not use hash tags for a long time now 🙂 .. thanks for stopping by.

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