Mujhe In Aaropiyon Se Bachaoooo

Posted on May 7, 2010. Filed under: Funny | Tags: , , , |

07 50, 11 10, 1 40, 5 55 – I am not making up some mystical numbers a la Lost. Such numbers are important to each Mumbaikar. Yes, these are train timings. Only Mumbaikars have a special set of friends called train friends. Often I have heard ladies gossiping thus, “Tya 4:37 vaalya Joshi aahet na …” (Translation: “That Mrs. Joshi who travels in the 4:37 train …” I have generously used Hindi in this post, and wherever required provided translations, in italics).

Mumbai local trains have been called iconic, efficient, the lifeline of Mumbai etc. They are the butt of many jokes and were at the receiving end of one of the cities more gruesome terrorist attacks. Every Mumbaikar has travelled by these trains at some point in their lives. Disembarking from a train during peak hours is a sublime mixture of art and science. You need scientific precision and divine intervention to jump off at the right moment. If you jump early you may fall on the platform and break your neck. If you show a moment’s hesitation, off you go to the next station. It is a matter of practice, but definitely not for the faint hearted. My mom has thus given up. She’d rather be called a coward than travel by a train.

But I digress. The local trains are such a melting pot that you are bound to meet some ‘strange’ people if you travel in them daily. So, here is one of the strangest incidents that I witnessed during my train sojourns

It was a sultry afternoon (as most afternoons in Mumbai are) around 9-10 years ago. It was the Ladies 1st class (With college concession, traveling in 1st was quite cheap). A handful of women were present in the compartment. A Christian lady was horizontal on one of the seats and was enjoying a nice siesta.

The train stopped at Bandra station, in came a policeman. He was not alone, he entered with 2 men. Soon, we that that their hands were bound to each other with rope. We all looked at each other aghast, unsure of what to do.

A bit of background here about the protocol regarding gents admissible in the ladies compartment-

  • Son/brother of 1 of the passengers less than 15 years of age (at least who looks like it) – Allowed.
  • A man selling useful trinkets such as earrings, combs, purses – Allowed.
  • Old beggar man above 60 years of age (at least who looks like it) – Allowed.
  • Blind men – Allowed.
  • Police – Allowed.
  • All others – Not Allowed. (Includes men between ages of 15 and 60, maimed, burnt, injured not withstanding)

Coming back to our story, we were all aghast, unsure of what to do. A policeman for protection, allowed. A policeman along with two bound criminals? Apparently, this was a grey area in our protocol. We all kept mum for the time being.

The erstwhile dozing Christian lady had by then assumed an upright position, having been awoken by these new entrants. She started speaking:

Lady: Inspector saab, aap in aaropiyon ko leke utar jaao (Inspector, please get off with these ‘accused’).

I realized that this lady had recently watched one of those 70s-80s Hindi movies, in which the judge will proclaim a sentence on the villain in the last scene – “Sabhi gawahon aur sabooton ko madde nazar rakhte hue, adaalat aaropi ko saza-e-maut dene ka hukm karti hai . He shall be hanged until deathhhhh!” (Translation: In the light of the witnesses and the evidence, the accused shall be given the punishment of death) One more reason why I suspect so, is that she directly called the cop an inspector.

Then Inspector saab, began to talk:

Inspector: Madam, baaki dabbon mein jaam gardi hai, main aaropi ko udhar leke jaaunga to yeh bhaag jaayenge. (Other compartments are crowded, if I take the accused there, they may flee)

I do not know, if the Inspector had himself seen the same genre of movies or was merely trying to use the same terminology as her.

Lady: Arre aise kaise? Aaropi bhaag jaayega is dabbe se aur humko gun dikhayega to? Humko yeh sab tension nahin mangta hai. (What if the ‘accused’ decides to flee here and holds us hostage with a gun? We do not want these hassles).

Inspector: Arre Madam, Inke paas nahin hai bandook. Aap chaahiye to inke jeb check karo. Kuch tension nahin hai! (They don’t have a gun, if you want check their pockets)

Lady: Arre aise kaise check karo?!! I will not touch them, I only touch my husband.

At this I had to burst out laughing. What more, even the aaropis started smiling to each other.
Some other concerned ladies started supporting the original lady, the instigator of the argument. Murmurs of “Haan barobar hai, Kaayko tension” started echoing in the compartment. The final straw came when the lady said,

Lady: Yeh ladkiyon ka compartment hai, aaropi ladki nahin hai! Ladies aaropi hota to hum log allow karte. (The accused are not girls. Had they been, we would have allowed them).

The inspector was flummoxed at this rhetoric and decided to wave the white flag. He got off at the next station (Dadar) with aaropis in tow. I also got off at the same station and saw him ushering the two in the ever crowded gents 1st.

I shall stop myself here, because I want to desist from making any politically charged comments about women or cops. This is a long enough post already.

Do you have a funny story that happened to you or someone else in the train or elsewhere? Do share it with me, I would love to have guest bloggers here. Also, if you like this post do consider sharing it with others using this handy link Bookmark/share a post or other gadgets in the sidebar.


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17 Responses to “Mujhe In Aaropiyon Se Bachaoooo”

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I loved the “Jaam gardi” comment by the cop,… bet he was a Marathi,… 🙂 ,… A good post

Thanks anv! Yea u guessed it right, he was a marathi 🙂

In your list of allowed species-

Eunuchs? (Y/N)

Foreigner males ignorant of concept of Ladies? (Y/N)

I am game for your guest blogger invitation… if you’d like I can come up with one. Lemme know.

Eunuchs are not necessarily men, but allowed. Never seen any firangs somehow.
Thanks for offering to be a guest blogger. I will definitely take you up on that. If you are free in Mumbai, let me know 🙂

Loved reading this Tilottama!

thanks akshay! r u in australia?

Australia? Never left Mumbai.

strange, the ip address showed its from australia. how r u doing these days?

nice 1 🙂
r u tracking IP addresses of people? information security work kya???

Thanks for the comment Abhijeet. WordPress only provides a way of seeing IP addresses and where they come from. But its wrong anyways – for Mumbai it is showing Australia somehow 😀

Ha ha ha.. Nice one.. Made a good read.. Keep these coming..

As for train stories, we always used to look forward to the vendors selling bindis, earnings.. somehow the one’s sold in trains last for a long time than the one’s purchased elsewhere .. 🙂 the trust with which these vendors handover their boxes to the passengers and move on is amazing.. all is in place.. when the box goes back to the vendor!! Other passengers (though not interested in buying anything) areee very much interested in checking what the other lady is buyingggg.. Tht is human psychology at its best!!! :))

Thanks Manasi tai. Once a lady was buying some necklace and she asked me how is it suiting her. I was so stunned and did not what to answer. I just said it looks good 😀
But as you say, their maal is generally good and they are really skilled 😀

Reality is funnier than fiction hehe..

– Sony

Yea, well some times it really is!

Lady: Arre aise kaise check karo?!! I will not touch them, I only touch my husband.

Oh my god! This is hilarious! 😀

PS. Came here through IHM’s blog.

Thanks Chinkurli! I liked your blog too. Will add you to my blog roll 🙂

this is hilarious!! I can imagine the “jaam gardi marathi havaldar” vs the sandra from bandra!!

Hah hah hah this is too good!!

Thats my train funny story…. 🙂

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