Who played with fire

And kicked the hornet’s nest!

Quite an enigmatic beginning to a simple old book review, don’t you think so? These are three crime novels by a Swedish author, Stieg Larsson and are part of a trilogy called Millennium. I, of course, read their English translation. Oh, before I forget, SPOILER ALERT.  I

promise not to give away the endings, but I will reveal a large amount of the plot.

What made me take it up in the first place? Simple, The movie! The buzz surrounding the movie made on the first book, piqued my curiosity. I read the book review in NYTimes, and the books promised to be one masochistic journey, but the plot continued to draw me.I started reading ‘The Dragon Tattoo’ and was hooked for good. I am still in the process of reading ‘The Hornet’s nest’ and am nearing the end. I am sad that the journey is over, and though a little painful, it was largely enjoyable.

‘.. Dragon tattoo‘ is almost reminiscent of Agatha Christie. Our hero, Michael Blomquist (a journalist and a minor celebrity), is asked to investigate the disappearance of the missing heiress of a Swedish old money family.  He uncovers much more than a  cupboard full of skeletons, to put it mildly. He is assisted in this quest by our girl, The girl, Lisbeth Salander. Words cannot express how much I loved her character. She is this semi goth, semi punk girl, with piercings, tattoos. Ominous clues about her past are given and we can guess that she has been a victim of abuse of several years. She is not socially adept, probably because of the abuse she has suffered and she is also suspected to have Asperger’s syndrome. In the book itself, she becomes the victim of a brutal rape. However, she does not report to the authorities (presumably because she has been badly treated by them before and also because she is universally detested and looked down upon.) She exacts revenge in an equally brutal manner on the perpetrator.  Thus she has no sense of right and wrong, as perceived by normal people. However, she is a brilliant hacker and also has a photographic memory.  Her character reminded me of Chanda from Dev D. A girl who is grossly misunderstood, a victim of societal norms and yet ever so spunky! Someone who makes lemonade out of the lemons life throws her way, in her own strange style.

Anyways so Michael and Lisbeth, get to the bottom of the mystery by doing Google searches. Michael comes close to getting himself killed and Lisbeth saves him. She also uses her hacking skills and helps Michael get even with his old enemy. Blomquist is shown to be the editor of a magazine called Millenium. The 3 books describe the intricacies of publishing a magazine and I enjoyed reading about them.  Michael is shown to believe that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. Lisbeth believes him to be a naive fool and fights her battles with a can of Mace, a Taser and a tattoo gun.

The second novel  ’..Played with Fire‘ is more over the top than ‘..Dragon Tattoo‘. It has larger than life action. Lisbeth escapes miraculously from many of her trysts with danger. More light is thrown upon Lisbeth’s ghastly childhood.  The plot is that, there are 3 murders in Stockholm and somehow all of them point to Lisbeth. Somehow these murders are also related to a story Millennium and Blomquist were working on. So it is upto Micke (short for Michael in Swedish) to exonerate his buddy Salander.  At the end of this book, Lisbeth’s utterly dysfunctional family members (a euphemism for psychopathic) try to kill her. This time Michael saves her.

In the third book, ‘ .. kicked Hornet’s nest’, Lisbeth has not just kicked a hornet’s nest, she has become hopelessly entangled in it. Powerful people are her enemies. However a few faithful friends are still behind her. Blomquist is fighting for her in the only way he can, by writing a story in Millennium.  There also are many subplots some of which do not contribute to the pace of the story. However, it still remains entertaining. In the end, after a farcical trial (seriously Swedish courts are that bad?) Lisbeth gets a happy ending. Well, sort of! Thankfully, Michael and Lisbeth do not walk hand in hand into the Aurora Borealis (It’s Sweden guys, no romantic sunsets there!).

What I loved about these books:

1.       Lisbeth Salander- Amongst all the books I have read recently, she is definitely the freshest take on the contemporary woman. If we pity her, it is only fleetingly. We just wait for her to bounce back in her own quirky way.

2.       Description of the day to day workings of a magazine – What research goes on behind a story, when is the right time to publish, when should you kill a story. Loved reading about it!

What I did not like as much:

1.       The character of Michael – A cad to the hilt! Tells all the women he sleeps with, I cannot be faithful to you, and all the women still melt! He never feels threatened by the women he dates (they are all shown to be strong, successful and independent) and never questions himself.  He is Mr. Righteousness and a great stickler for rules! In short, I did not believe him, he is not flawed enough. He is shown to be so irresistible that even Salander ends up in love with him. Rolling eyes emoticon here.

2.       The subplots within subplots do meander and drag down the pace of the narrative.

3.       Other characters – They have no personal lives. They drink coffee endlessly. Their lives are devoted to their work. Some of them are so oversexed, despite their advanced ages. Michal himself is nearing 50 and regularly sleeps around with his colleague and friend Erika. What more, this relationship is blessed by Erika’s husband!  Rolling eyes again!

All in all, a big thumbs up from me! Loved this dalliance with Nordic noir.

PS: Would love some book recommendations in comments!

A saying to B:

“You know the way he cooks potatoes. He does not peel them. Just dices them as is and puts them in the pan. At home, we don’t make them that way. We peel them carefully first ..” (What A meant: The potato peeler and thus his family are so stingy that to save a few slivers of potatoes, they don’t peel them and A’s family does not worry about such trivial details.)

C saying to D (D was soon to be married):

“So, (in your wedding) wearing a pure silk madisar and all huh?” (madisar a traditional nine yard saree worn by the bride in a Tamil wedding.) (What C meant: Apparently a pure silk madisar is the sign of great affluence. So, C wanted to find out if D’s in-laws/parents are rich enough to buy her one.)

E saying to F:

“Oh this t-shirt that you are wearing, is it new? I’ve never seen you wear it before. Did you buy it from Bebe?” (E asked me this, because the t-shirt that I was wearing had the graphic of sparkly stuff on its front, common to many Bebe t-shirts)

Now comes the question. What are the genders of A, C and E?

I am sure if you had to guess,

• A would be a lady in her 20s-30s, probably dishing out the typical invective against in-laws.
• C would be probably be in her 20s again, jealous of the ‘alleged’ affluence of D.
• E would be one of F’s girl friends keenly observing F’s daily attire and drawing surmises.

What would you say, if I were to tell you all the above guesses are WRONG! Yes indeed they are all wrong.

B, D and F are one and the same person, and that person is me. That was easy enough. A, C and E also refer to the same person, but it is not a She. It is a He!  He is my age (late 20s). He is educated, works for a highly respectable software firm in the USA. He is not a figment of my imagination but is someone I know personally. The potato peeler in the first conversation was his roommate. All these are true conversations between the two of us.

So why were none of us able to hazard the right answer? It is because of the society we live in and because we are so tightly wound up in prejudices. A woman only talks about fashion, petty gossip and always is jealous. A man only talks about his accomplishments at work, trekking, gadgets and cars.  A person’s being spiteful, hysterical, gossipy, competent is not related to his or her gender or race or sexual orientation!

None of these stereotypes hold true today. Alas, we the people, are still wound up in them as before!

PS: So since I blogged this, many of my friends (needless to say male) are asking me if I have decided to take up activism to build a political career.  1 post about gender equality is enough to qualify me as a pot throwing, belan toting, man eating activist. Jeez!

PPS: Inspired by this post from IHM.

I took the Count of Monte Cristo and began reading. I read with horror as Dantes was wrongly accused of treason and carted off to Chateau D’If.  The book took me to France and Italy, amidst rocky seas and grim prison islands, to beautiful women and treacherous men. I devoured it all up in one sitting. Probably since it was a kiddie book it ended as a happy ending. Edmond escapes from the prison, gets his treasure and is reunited with Mercedez. I lived in this ignorance caused bliss. I did not read the revenge saga until I became an adult.

Of course, this post would be incomplete without the mention of Pride and Prejudice. There is something about Mr. Darcy.  All my friends who have read this book are still in love with him. Something about his haughty demeanor yet kind heart. Maybe psychologists and psychoanalysts may have something to say about women’s fixation for Mr. Darcy. A must read for all girls of all ages.

Many years have now passed after that summer. My fervor in books has lessened because of the pressures of making a living. I am less adventurous now, when I choose authors. But with most classics I have never gone wrong.

I dove into To Kill a Mocking bird with a clean frame of mind. I did not know its story, but I knew that it was a Pulitzer winning book. I was not disappointed. Every page I turned, I found myself being enthralled more and more.  The escapades of Scout and Jem, reminded me of my own misadventures with my sisters. The unfortunate events by which they ‘come of age’ filled me with sorrow, but at the end I felt optimistic about the inherent goodness of human beings.  I would definitely recommend it to someone who wants to begin reading, because it is a great story written in a lucid way. (I tried it on #win, but he has not yet read it to my dismay.)

Another delightful classic is Catch 22. I remember clutching my sides and laughing while I was reading it. But the next instant I would realize the grief that the comedy tries to veil, albeit thinly. An example is this guy who strives to make his life boring because being bored gives you an illusion of time having slowed down, and time slowing down makes your impending death seem farther (it is a story of disillusioned aircraft pilots, fighting a futile war). A long-ish book, but each and every page is a delight.

Another classic with a ‘catch’ is A Catcher in the Rye. I had a hard time reading it because of its strange prose style. Probably because of this staccato style, the effect on the reader is so great. I remember being disturbed for days on end after reading it.  This story of an angst ridden teenager struck a chord really close to my heart.  I would not want to read it again, but I am sure everyone will find a piece of themselves in that book.

So, what is on my reading list now? Ulysses, Lolita, The Grapes of Wrath, 1984, A Brave New World, Howard’s End… If you have read any or all of these, do let me know your opinions. Happy reading!

]]> http://tilopinion.wordpress.com/2010/08/03/my-classical-love-affair/feed/ 12 tilo1583 Prideandprejudice-movieposter Mockingbirdfirst Rye_catcher http://tilopinion.wordpress.com/2010/07/20/who-said-it/ http://tilopinion.wordpress.com/2010/07/20/who-said-it/#comments Tue, 20 Jul 2010 16:09:22 +0000 tilo1583 http://tilopinion.wordpress.com/?p=177 ]]> Cut back to January 2010. A popular Indian super star made comments about India’s esteemed neighbors and their goodness and all hell broke loose. A right wing political party obviously took offense at the said superstar’s comments and as usual resorted to their half baked threats against the star and his upcoming movie. This episode had all the makings of a super duper hit – Bollywood, Cricket and Politics. At the end, the political party got face-time in all sorts of media outlets making their opinion heard. This political party has time and again lost crucial elections and their opinion basically amounts to nought, so this face-time was quite important to them, probably. The superstar got fokat ka (free) publicity for his movie (we all know how ‘good’ it was). And they lived happily ever after ..

Wait, still some players in the saga have to be discussed. The Indian media and Us . I am a part of the minority of Indians who watches English language news channels to get my daily dose of news. As this episode unfolded, I was flipping through channels. To me, all the channels seemed to converge into one. “Mumbai belongs to all of us“, who said it? Was it Sachin Tendulkar or Shah Rukh Khan? Or was it Pranoy or Rajdeep? Was it CNN-IBN or Times Now?

“Who said it? Was it Sachin Tendulkar or Shah Rukh Khan? Or was it Pranoy or Rajdeep? Was it CNN-IBN or Times Now?”

I could not distinguish Barkha from Sagarika from Arnab. Each and every channel was quoting oft repeated platitudes. The said political party was being made the punching bag, the star was being raised to pedestals. All the channels and their presenters professed the same opinion. Each of these channels featured an opinion poll on the lines of –“Do you support Sena’s bandh against the showing of My Name is Khan? SMS Yes or No“. Each of the channels were displaying the ‘Tweets ticker’ – displaying related tweets updated on the clock.  (Probably these channels do not know about Twitter Search, Trending Topics and hash tags). The same people appeared on every channel voicing their stale opinions. After all, there should be something to fill time when the channel’s claim is ‘News 24X7‘.

That leaves the fourth player – We the people. Or namely, Me (since the opinions in this blog are solely my own and not my employers’ or my relatives’). I am quite dense when it comes to really serious matters such as –

1. Whether the media is allowed to have an opinion? Whether the anchors should use their channels as platforms to foist their opinion on the public or whether they should portray truth in an unbiased way and let the public form an opinion of their own?

2. Whether it is okay to divulge information on national television that may threaten national or individual security because it sensationalizes news?

Nopes, these are weighty matters that better be left to those who are qualified to weigh upon them. But it never ceases to amaze me, how our news anchors, who are scholars from St. Stephens and Oxford, cannot see this glaring and blaring sameness in all the channels? The public is so immersed in ennui, that even blockbusters with Bollywood, Cricket and Politics do not excite us. I do understand that it is important to play to the galleries in this mad rush for ratings. However, I have to ask – Does boring to death sell so much? Well, yea, probably it does because we see Daya breaking the darwaza and Pradyuman twirling his finger every single day of our miserable lives.

Note from author: This is an entry for this BlogAdda Contest whose sponsors are Pringoo.

Here goes the list of my wrong doings -

1. I did all my work myself in Engineering College and during MS. Somehow, I did/do not have the so called ‘feminine allure’ to get things done from boys.  I know a girl who cried (crocodile tears) during a viva to get a passing grade.

2. I detest Mini Coopers and other girly cars. If someone gave me enough money, I would buy myself a Mitsubishi Eclipse.

3. I do not believe in the patriarchal form of society observed in most parts of India. I live in the US, I get to visit India only once a year for 3 weeks. Now, since I am married, I am supposed to spend majority of that time with my in laws and not my own parents?

4. I do not wear mangalsutra. This is not to make a statement. I do not believe that wearing or not wearing a meaningless piece of gold can make any sort of a statement. It is because I hate wearing ornaments on a daily basis.  Once while jogging, the darn heavy pendant of the mangalsutra jumped and pricked my eye.  Other time, I was cooking, and this darn metallic thing became so darn hot that it scalded me. Since then, bye bye mangalsutra!

5. I kick butt in video games. Ok that is a lie! #win beats me in every one of those. But I love playing them all the same. #win was shocked to hear that I have played ‘violent’ games such as Doom and Wolf in my childhood.

6. I love ‘macho’ movies. Given the choice between The Dark Knight and 27 dresses, I would rather watch the first over and over again. I loved DDLJ and Love Actually, but I also loved Fight Club and Matrix. Animated movies bore me!

7.  I haul stuff. Recently, #win and I moved from one apartment to another. I did not shy away from picking a darned heavy chest of drawers, a ginormous mattress and a humongous dining table.  Women, you are so not the ‘weaker’ sex, and don’t you dare make excuses about your ‘weakness’.  Have any of you ever said, “Oh, I cannot do that, I have got period cramps.” That don’t fly with me sister. I will respect you much more if you say, “I am too lazy to do that now!”

8. I dress up for myself and for my girl friends. With my husband, I wear my most comfy pair of peejays. #win’s views about fashion are quite socialist-communist. He thinks that the entire world should wear the same attire – a silver  space suit with a green V in the front. According to #win, this solution will also eliminate the negative image women have about their bodies.

9. I drive. I know many girls who do. I also know many girls who do not. I do not mean to be judgemental, but I for one, do not like to be chauffeured around and do not like to be dependent on someone else for all my comings and goings.

10. I do not believe that marriage is the be all and end all in a girl’s life. I also know that loneliness is bitter and I hope that all of you, find the one to grow old with. I also believe that you need not go through a humiliating process to find a match for you. I know many girls who started going to the gym, because their alliances said that they are too fat.  I believe that you should work on your fitness for your own well – being and not for Mr. XYZ who may or may not be Mr. Right.

The first 10 people who comment are tagged!

Karl and his friend John were sitting in a pub, on a Friday night. Both of them had downed a glass too many and therefore were more inclined to be more vocal about their thoughts and feelings.

John asked Karl, “So, how are things going with Gin?” He meant Ginny, Karl’s college sweetheart.

Karl replied resignedly, “I am afraid, not so good.”

John asked inquisitively, “Oh, everyone in college thought you were the perfect couple! We all would say, ‘Yea they are going to so get married to each other!’ What happened there?”

Karl said, “Well, I keep traveling! I have not been able to see her for the past many months, because of my travelling schedules. I am going to meet her during the Christmas, though. I feel that already we have drifted apart.”

John exclaimed, “You know what you should do! You should give her the most stupendous gift ever, something that will blow her off her feet right into your arms!”

Karl demurred, “I never seem to know, what she wants for a gift.”

John reassured, “Oh, you are a rich man now! Buy her a diamond. Women love diamonds, you can never go wrong with that!”

Chapter 2: His Gift

The more thought Karl gave to John’s idea, the more convincing it seemed to him.  He decided to gift her the perfect diamond.  He began his search for it and almost immediately found just the thing, an 8 carat perfectly polished humongous stone. When he actually went to purchase it, he hesitated.

“This beast is worth 6 months of my hard earned salary”, Karl thought. But then he imagined the smirks on their college friends’ faces saying, ‘Oh Ms. Perfect and Mr. Perfect were not so perfect after all!’ Karl decided to give care a damn, and went ahead with the purchase.  After all no amount is small to win the love of your life, thought Karl.

The day of meeting Ginny finally arrived. Karl was very excited and a little apprehensive. What if everything does not go according to plan? He decided to banish these doubts and to focus on the excitement of beginning a new life with Ginny. In fact, Ginny had hinted that she also had a ‘stupendous’ gift for him, something that he had wanted since a long time. Karl wondered what it would be.  He half hoped that it would be one of the expensive tuxedos, which he had rented to wear during their prom. Ginny had promised him that as soon as she would have a bit of money, she would buy it for him. He was touched that Ginny had remembered that incident.

Chapter 3: The Meeting

Ginny had insisted that they meet in what had been their favorite restaurant as college kids.  He reached well before the designated time of their date. She did not keep him waiting long. As she entered, Karl looked at her and thought, “Somehow, she looks more beautiful than ever before.” They began talking.  Karl was put at ease by Ginny’s liveliness and friendliness. All his misgivings dissolved, and he decided to begin his real quest.

He said to Ginny, “I have a gift for you! But first let us see yours!” Ginny said, “Oh you are so going to love this!”

She removed a daintily gift wrapped box and gave it to him.  Karl opened it with shivering fingers. Out came a DVD. He looked aghast at it. His mind was in a furor. A DVD in exchange of a priceless diamond?

Karl burst out saying, “Oh a DVD! Wow, so thoughtful of you! You know what I got for you? A priceless diamond worth 6 months of my pay! Do you know how hard I work to make that kind of money? You should have told me, you are not interested, I would nothave bought this huge stone for someone who obviously does not care! So you have drifted apart. Had you cared,you would have taken the effort to get me something worth more than a damn DVD.”

Ginny replied amidst tears, “Thanks Karl! Thanks for everything! I knew you had changed, but did not know how much!”

She was sobbing uncontrollably now. She picked up her belongings and left. The diamond was left in Karl’s pocket.

Chapter 4: Her Gift

Karl was dejected. He walked home almost on the verge of tears himself, wondering how he could have been fooled by Ginny.  He tried to drown his sorrows in alcohol. In his drink induced stupor, he noticed Ginny’s gift lying beside him. He snorted, “DVD!” and on a whim decided to play it. A few moments into watching it, Karl came to himself. He could not believe his eyes. He was witnessing all the scenes, all the memories that he had shared with Ginny – their first date, their prom night, the time they had spent cramming for exams, the song that had been playing when they had first kissed… Ginny had spent countless hours on getting the footage from their old friends, compiling it from camcorders and shaky mobile cameras.

The DVD played on. Karl was now sobbing unabashedly. Towards the end, came Mariah Carey’s song,

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas, but there is something I need,

I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree,

I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know,

Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas … is YOU!”

Authors note:  My entry for this competition in BlogAdda which is sponsored by Pringoo

My name is Rajesh. Today, I am going to tell you the story of my first crush. You may ask, why?  To know the reason and the story, read on.

Chapter 1: A Massage spoils it all!

So, I was all of 16. I had just passed 10^th standard board exams and joined junior college. It was the first day of college. My two friends, Aneesh and Bunty and I, were hanging out in the college canteen.  And then it happened.  The famed thunderbolt!  (what Michael Corleone had experienced when he had met Appolonia in the Godfather).  I saw her.  Kohl lined eyes, straight hair ..

Her name was Chayanika Malhotra, I learnt later.  I could not stop thinking about her.  Thinking is one thing and obsessing is another, and I guess I was doing the latter.  My friends could not help but pity me. At first, they tried to make me see sense,  that a girl like her can never be with a guy like me. When that did not work, Aneesh offered to take a note from me to her.  Off he went striding towards her. I could not bear to look, so I disappeared from the scene.  Aneesh and Bunty reappeared in just a bit.  Aneesh was almost on the verge of crying.  So I asked,

Me: What happened?”

Aneesh was spared the trouble of talking by Bunty relating the entire story.

Bunty: Actually, he went to Chayanika and said, ‘I have a MASSAGE for you!’

I would have burst out laughing had it not been my own Victorian tragedy being written.

Bunty: (continued) … So one of the guys in her group said that, he will treat Aneesh, uhm, to a nice massage and roughed him up a bit (ended sheepishly).

My note asking her out for a coffee had been left in Aneesh’s pocket.  I forgave Aneesh, after all it was just a mispronunciation (that had ruined my life).

Chapter 2: Eminem or M&M?

Soon I got another chance with Chayanika. We met at a bus stop.  I mustered up all the courage I could and started making small talk with her.  She was waiting for some friend to arrive. I feigned that I was waiting for a friend too.  Even now I cannot believe how smooth I was then. I actually asked her whether she would like to have a coffee with me, while we both waited for our respective friends. Unfortunately, her friend Reshmi  arrived just then. But they graciously agreed to accompany me to the coffee shop, while I waited. Overall, I was satisfied with the way things had gone that evening. The 3 of us sat down with our coffees. Angrez rap music was being played. Reshmi chose that moment to say,

Reshmi: Oh I just love Eminem.

I had been hoping to impress Chayanika with the depth of my knowledge and the breadth of my interests, but I had no clue who or what Eminem was.  I had a sudden brainwave. Just a couple of weeks back, my uncle had brought some chocolates from USA. And one of them I remembered was named M&Ms. It was an American version of our Indian Gems. A wise man had  once said – ‘Look before you leap’, but I chose to ignore him and burst through.

Me:  Oh yes, I love the M&Ms. Just recently my uncle got them in some peanut butter flavor, which is famous in the USA.  Their shape is also different.

Both the girls looked curiously at me and then I realized with great horror, that I had committed a grave blunder. Reshmi realized my mistake and smirked condescendingly,

Reshmi: Oh I meant the rapper Eminem and not the candy.

Soon after they excused themselves and I heard them snickering about ‘Eminems and M&Ms’.

Chapter 3: The hero saves the day!

Thereafter, I was in the doldrums of depression.  Even after multiple repeated failures, I had not got closure. So I was in class, in my usual place behind Chayanika, observing the play of light on her hair. It was a sultry sort of a day and the stuffiness of the class as well as of our professor’s monotone, soon drove me into a state of torpor. Soon, I was dozing.  Suddenly, I heard a commotion. I opened my eyes and I found the entire class’s eyes in my direction. I was aghast.  I thought that I had been caught red handed napping in class. Not knowing what else to do, I stood up.  The professor angrily remarked,

Professor: So it was you! Please walk out of the class. If you want to attend my class again, please get your father to meet me.

I walked out of the class dejectedly and waited in the canteen corner for my friends to show up.  I heard a timid voice say, “Hi.” I looked up. It was Chayanika. Before I could say anything, she started speaking amidst heart breaking sobs,

Chayanika: (crying)You should not have done it for me. I would have stood up!

I was thoroughly confused then, but soon the story became clearer. Chayanika had been chewing gum and she did not know how, but she had made a startlingly screechy sound.  The professor had taken offence at it and had been asking the culprit to own up. And at that opportune moment I had stood up.

I had become a chivalrous hero in the eyes of Chayanika. Lady Luck and Lady Chayanika had both smiled at me that day. I was literally (ok, figuratively) on top of the world.  The rest, as they say, is history. (Before that an angry sire almost made me a part of ancient history.

The final reveal – Why did I tell you this story?  It is because the writer of this blog is rather mercenary and decided that my story would be a good entry for the blogadda contest sponsored by Pringoo.

So he went to Washington, DC – the home of the most powerful person in the world, the president of the United States. It was spring time and cherry blossoms were in full bloom. He got a peek of the Jefferson memorial through these pink flowers.  This juxtaposition of beautiful spring flowers, spell binding architecture and the Potomac river, really moved him. He had found mesmerizing natural beauty in the capital of the United States, a place only famous for the power play of humans.

He continued his quest underground as well. He reached Luray Caverns. There he chanced upon this beautiful tapestry. It had been created not out of man’s hands, but out of the heaves of the earth and deposits of minerals over hundreds, maybe thousands of years.  This tapestry seemed nothing short of magic to him.

His sojourn then continued to what is known as the holiest place in the world, Vatican City.  He could not believe his eyes at the view he got atop St. Peter’s Basilica. He realized that man is divine too, because only a divine hand could have crafted this architectural beauty. He considered himself privileged to have witnessed this place, where man and god had achieved union.

He continued his exploration of St. Peter’s Basilica. He came across many works of beauty, created by great Renaissance artists such as Michelangelo and Pannini. This imposing statue seemed to tell him, “Son, you have sinned, but rise! All is not lost! Your quest is not hopeless!”

And last but not the least, he reached Seattle, US. He came to know that this city is home to one of the biggest technology companies of the world namely Microsoft and Amazon. He reached atop the Space Needle.  He was transfixed by this view of Seattle downtown, with the majestic and ghostly mountain peak, Mt. Rainier.  He also learned that Seattle  had dreary weather with almost 9 months of rain every year. However, on this day the sun was shining bright perhaps to reflect his mood, which had also taken a turn for the better.

He had reached the end of his travails.  He had seen beautiful glimpses of natural and man made marvels. He had also met many beautiful people and he had realized the purpose of his quest.  He had realized that the world was full of love,

and the only place where love had dwindled was his heart and mind. He vowed to go back home and try to mend his relationships with his estranged family and friends. He also vowed to spend his remaining wealth in charity and his remaining days in the company of his loved ones.

This is my entry for the blogadda travel contest I have copyright for all the pictures, in case anyone wonders.

I married #win on January 21, 2010. No, I did not marry a hashtag, I wanted a cool alias for my husband and this one makes me a perpetual winner (Tilo weds #win). Since then, my single friends caught in the conundrum of horoscopes and arranged marriages have asked me the question – How do you know he is the one? Well, to illustrate how, let me start by relating to you the tale ‘The Battleship Battle‘.

Once upon a time #win was at work and I was at home and I was bored out of my wits. Therefore, I reverted to my favorite pass-time (timepass) bugging #win. I called him.

#win: Hello?

Tilo: Hey, whats up are you busy?

#win: Yea I am a bit. Meeting with my advisor (Yes #win left his high paying corporate job for drudgery at grad school. All his friends thus think he is #nutlose).

Tilo: Well, I really had a very important thing to tell you.

#win: Ok tell fast fast.

Tilo: Wait a minute forgot! (Had not )

#win: QUICKLY (Almost at the end of his tether now)

Tilo: I had 2 important things to tell you – 1 was that your friend #ok was pinging you ”Maga, did you see the race last night?” …

#win: And the other important thing .. FAST!

Tilo: And the second thing was (almost choking for trying to stifle laughter) can you get us some paper from office for us to play Name, Place, Animal, Thing or Battleship?

#win: (Hangs up)

At this point I am hysterical with laughter. Tears are streaming through my eyes. After a while, when I had calmed myself, I switched on my laptop. I had a feeling that this time I may have gone a bit too far. So I pinged #win.

Tilo: R u anger? (We dont use grammatically correct English with each other for some bizarre reason)

#win: (Unresponsive for 5 minutes)

Tilo: R u anger?

#win: Yes.

Tilo: How much lil bit or lots?

#win: Why don’t you understand that there is a time for playing the fool and that was not it. (Uh oh! Correct grammar = BAD mood!)

Tilo: (Bristling a bit, no one calls me a fool) Oh come on lighten up, it was not that bad.

#win: It pretty much was. My advisor just walked away, after all I had gotten a hold of him after a month almost. Now I have to wait  another month before I can talk to him.

Tilo: Bla bla bla … talk to my hand

And this continued. #Win got mad and I got mad. Then both of us got madder. And after half an hour the fight ended thus:

Tilo: Ok fine, henceforth I am not going to talk to you.

#win: Great, that is good to know.

In the evening, #win was about to come home. I was dealing with the situation in a very mature way by banging pots and pans in the kitchen. I heard the door open. I tried to feign more disinterest, lack of enthusiasm and anger by banging pots to the accompaniment of ‘Tum to thehre pardesi …‘. I heard #win‘s movements in the other room. I did not bother for a long time and nor did he. I realized that we had come to an impass. I finally went to the other room, in the mood for another battle. And there was #win sitting calmly with pen and paper in hand. Another set of pen and paper was beside him. He already had drawn a grid on his paper. He looked up as I came in and said - “Name place is too childish. Let us play Battleship.”

So girls, look for a man who shares your sense of humor (more or less) and even if he is quick to anger, he should be quick to forgive. That sure is a #winning combination.

If you liked this post, do share it with others for them to have a good laugh. If you want updates from this blog immediately, use one of these handy buttons on the right.

And if you have any stories of similar battles with your spouse or your sibling or anyone really, please let me know. Still looking for guest bloggers

Mumbai local trains have been called iconic, efficient, the lifeline of Mumbai etc. They are the butt of many jokes and were at the receiving end of one of the cities more gruesome terrorist attacks. Every Mumbaikar has travelled by these trains at some point in their lives. Disembarking from a train during peak hours is a sublime mixture of art and science. You need scientific precision and divine intervention to jump off at the right moment. If you jump early you may fall on the platform and break your neck. If you show a moment’s hesitation, off you go to the next station. It is a matter of practice, but definitely not for the faint hearted. My mom has thus given up. She’d rather be called a coward than travel by a train.

But I digress. The local trains are such a melting pot that you are bound to meet some ‘strange’ people if you travel in them daily. So, here is one of the strangest incidents that I witnessed during my train sojourns

It was a sultry afternoon (as most afternoons in Mumbai are) around 9-10 years ago. It was the Ladies 1st class (With college concession, traveling in 1st was quite cheap). A handful of women were present in the compartment. A Christian lady was horizontal on one of the seats and was enjoying a nice siesta.

The train stopped at Bandra station, in came a policeman. He was not alone, he entered with 2 men. Soon, we that that their hands were bound to each other with rope. We all looked at each other aghast, unsure of what to do.

A bit of background here about the protocol regarding gents admissible in the ladies compartment-

• Son/brother of 1 of the passengers less than 15 years of age (at least who looks like it) – Allowed.
• A man selling useful trinkets such as earrings, combs, purses – Allowed.
• Old beggar man above 60 years of age (at least who looks like it) – Allowed.
• Blind men – Allowed.
• Police – Allowed.
• All others – Not Allowed. (Includes men between ages of 15 and 60, maimed, burnt, injured not withstanding)

Coming back to our story, we were all aghast, unsure of what to do. A policeman for protection, allowed. A policeman along with two bound criminals? Apparently, this was a grey area in our protocol. We all kept mum for the time being.

The erstwhile dozing Christian lady had by then assumed an upright position, having been awoken by these new entrants. She started speaking:

Lady: Inspector saab, aap in aaropiyon ko leke utar jaao (Inspector, please get off with these ‘accused’).

I realized that this lady had recently watched one of those 70s-80s Hindi movies, in which the judge will proclaim a sentence on the villain in the last scene – “Sabhi gawahon aur sabooton ko madde nazar rakhte hue, adaalat aaropi ko saza-e-maut dene ka hukm karti hai . He shall be hanged until deathhhhh!” (Translation: In the light of the witnesses and the evidence, the accused shall be given the punishment of death) One more reason why I suspect so, is that she directly called the cop an inspector.

Then Inspector saab, began to talk:

Inspector: Madam, baaki dabbon mein jaam gardi hai, main aaropi ko udhar leke jaaunga to yeh bhaag jaayenge. (Other compartments are crowded, if I take the accused there, they may flee)

I do not know, if the Inspector had himself seen the same genre of movies or was merely trying to use the same terminology as her.

Lady: Arre aise kaise? Aaropi bhaag jaayega is dabbe se aur humko gun dikhayega to? Humko yeh sab tension nahin mangta hai. (What if the ‘accused’ decides to flee here and holds us hostage with a gun? We do not want these hassles).

Inspector: Arre Madam, Inke paas nahin hai bandook. Aap chaahiye to inke jeb check karo. Kuch tension nahin hai! (They don’t have a gun, if you want check their pockets)

Lady: Arre aise kaise check karo?!! I will not touch them, I only touch my husband.

At this I had to burst out laughing. What more, even the aaropis started smiling to each other.
Some other concerned ladies started supporting the original lady, the instigator of the argument. Murmurs of “Haan barobar hai, Kaayko tension” started echoing in the compartment. The final straw came when the lady said,

Lady: Yeh ladkiyon ka compartment hai, aaropi ladki nahin hai! Ladies aaropi hota to hum log allow karte. (The accused are not girls. Had they been, we would have allowed them).

The inspector was flummoxed at this rhetoric and decided to wave the white flag. He got off at the next station (Dadar) with aaropis in tow. I also got off at the same station and saw him ushering the two in the ever crowded gents 1st.

I shall stop myself here, because I want to desist from making any politically charged comments about women or cops. This is a long enough post already.

Do you have a funny story that happened to you or someone else in the train or elsewhere? Do share it with me, I would love to have guest bloggers here. Also, if you like this post do consider sharing it with others using this handy link Bookmark/share a post or other gadgets in the sidebar.